Sorry this is late, I’m going to be off on my days this week, I still haven’t gone shopping yet either!
Love and Logic describes three different types of parents! The drill sergeants, helicopter parents and consultants. The goal is to become consultant parents.
Drill sergeant parents are characterized as barking orders that they demand be followed, using punishment to assert their control, having kids who never learn to think for themselves, inspire fear and resentment rather than problem solving, and creating teenagers who can’t think for themselves. I remember reading about a drill sergeant parent. He was mourning the loss of his teenage daughter and realizing that it was his fault. He had always told her what to do, so she never learned how to think for herself. She got herself into a life threatening situation and could not figure out a way to save herself!
Helicopter Parents are characterized by continually hovering over and saving their children, trying too hard to make their children’s lives perfect, creating feelings of “hostile dependency” in their kids, bringing up children who don’t know how to be responsible, and causing kids to feel unhappy and incapable. “Hostile dependency results when we continually rescue our kids, they become dependent on us, which eventually fills them with resentment.” (132). Helicopter parents unconsciously tell their children that they cannot do anything for themselves because they won’t do it right or well. These types of parents drove me crazy when I was a teacher. I had some parents who balked at the idea of me teaching their children to be responsible and accountable for their own actions. They thought it was my job to make sure that their kids didn’t get into situations that would require them to suffer any amount of unhappiness, even if it included teaching them a critical life skill! “Sometimes we have to make our kids really upset in the short term so they can be happy & responsible in the long term.” (137)
Consultant parents are characterized by making their children think for themselves, they never tell a kid what to do, they offer choices, they use enforceable statements, and they let consequences do the teaching.