My Parenting Beliefs

We all have our different parenting beliefs.  Each of us have beliefs that are considered “right” and “wrong,” depending on many things.  We will not all agree!  That being said, here are some of my beliefs (not an all inclusive list).

I believe (in no particular order):

children need to FEEL unconditionally loved, appreciated, and worthy.

Children need to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that their parents love them.  This love is not conditional; it doesn’t depend on being good, getting good grades, being a star athlete, etc.  Telling children you love them isn’t enough.  You need to spend quality time with them, doing things that interest them.  Parenting isn’t about just providing basic needs; they need to feel loved, appreciated and worthy.  (More on adult hierarchy of needs.)

children learn more from experience (what they see) than from what they hear.

Children pick up more from our behavior than from our lectures or reminders.  “Actions speak louder than words.”  If we speak demeaning to our spouse, but then tell our children to be nice/talk nice, they will more than likely speak disrespectfully.  This is one good reason to always strive to be a wonderful role model.

 

children learn from mistakes.

With the above point being said, children don’t need us to be perfect.  They learn from their mistakes, as well as, from our mistakes.  Children need to see fair fighting, asking for forgiveness, properly handling stress, properly handling money, etc.

 

that most of the time natural consequences are the best way to teach children.

Sometimes natural consequences are not appropriate because they may take too long for the child to learn or in order to learn from natural consequences would be hazardous or even deadly.  However, for the most part learning what will really happen in real life is the best way to learn, then they aren’t as surprised when they get out on their own.

 

children need to learn how to make choices.

They need to learn (from an early age) how to make choices.  They also need to learn that every choice comes with a consequence; good or bad.

 

it takes a village to raise a child, but that God gave me the primary responsibility to raise my children.

Parenting requires “outside” help.  No one can do this job alone and do it well.  Ask for help; from God and others around you.  However, don’t blame others.  It is not a teacher’s job to teach your child civility, morality, respect, etc.  While much of what they do contributes to those, it is not only their responsibility.  They are great resources to ask for help.  I believe that extracurricular activities come into play here.  Other activities teach many important skills: teamwork, perseverance, hard work, how to learn from and respect authority that isn’t family, what they are good at/not good at, etc.  However, I believe that many families are over scheduled and that can also be a detriment!

 

“sheltering” your children from the evils of the world can be detrimental.

There are many evil things in this world.  I believe it is the parents’ responsibility to; bit by bit; reveal some of them to their children at developmentally appropriate ages and stages.  I want to “teach” my children about them during a period of time when they will listen to me, when they trust me, and when I still have some positive influence on them.  I do not think it is healthy to “shelter” children from these experiences/knowledge and then expect them to be thrown into the world (and all the evils of it at the same time) and know how to deal with them on their own.

 

children need to learn that life isn’t fair.

Life isn’t fair, nor will it ever be.  They need to experience it, to some degree, as a child.

 

set and consistently reinforce realistic and developmentally appropriate expectations.

Being consistent as a parent is so difficult.  It is often much easier for “outsiders” to see our inconsistencies, than it is for us to detect them.  Setting developmentally appropriate expectations that help a child learn and grow, but are realistic in the fact that they can be successfully completed, is paramount.  Not only does this help with discipline and growth, it helps a child learn that when you work at something, you can achieve it (helping them gain self-confidence and other attributes), and that not everything comes easy.

 

that the ultimate goal of parenting is to raise a responsible, considerate, giving, and loving adult.

Children are not here to meet all of our needs.  I know it can be heart wrenching to “let go” sometimes, but it’s what’s best for the child.  “One of the hardest things in life is learning when to hold on and when to let go.”  I believe this correlates so much with parenting.

 

How do you feel?  What are your beliefs?  (Let’s keep these comments respectful, please, I do approve them before they post!)

 

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About Carolynn

I am a teacher turned stay at home mom to five children. I have a passion for helping parents be better parents and strive to help make life easier for them. Join me on my journey!

131 Responses to My Parenting Beliefs

  1. Jill March 1, 2012 at 5:34 AM #

    I agree with your parenting values – we have very similar views ourselves! Just today I was thinking about our girls learning to make their own choices – understanding the consequences and dealing with the fall out from choices they have already made that produce results they are less than happy with! When they have to live through the consequences, they are more likely to learn from them.

    For example, yesterday our eldest wanted to go on the computer – but having to tidy up first meant she got distracted by all sorts of things and in the end had no time for the computer. So today, she planned her time better, focussed on what she wanted to do, and got through her (small number) of chores quickly and without complaint then had her time on the computer! Nice to see she learnt from her previous actions!

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 6:52 AM #

      Isn’t it great when you get to “watch” your children learn a lesson like that?! As a parent, I sometimes can get discouraged and want to see them learning much faster than is probably developmentally appropriate for them, I mean there are very few things that I learned the first time. Thanks for your comment! 🙂

  2. Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom March 1, 2012 at 8:35 AM #

    “that most of the time natural consequences are the best way to teach children” – I like that one the best. It’s common sense, isn’t it? A bit like the Love & Logic parenting program that’s so popular. I definitely think it’s easier to cave in and take care of everything for your kids, especially if they will get in trouble or fail at something, but in the long run that’s just much more detrimental to them.

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 1:36 PM #

      I agree. It is a lot easier and time effective to do everything yourself. However, I agree that in doing so, you are doing a huge disservice to the children (and society).

  3. Melinda March 1, 2012 at 10:40 AM #

    Thank you for sharing. I do agree with most of your principles. My husband and I don’t have any children yet although I’m pregnant. So it wil be interesting to see how my child-training ideas change once we do have children.

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 1:32 PM #

      If you’re anything like me, your beliefs and philosophy will change a lot. Congrats and good luck on your miracle. 🙂

    • Heather @ My Mothermode March 2, 2012 at 1:37 PM #

      Sooooo good that you are reading and contemplating child-training now, rather than the by-the-seat-of-my-pants ride I took with my first! I definitely “found my way” as I had more children!

      • admin March 2, 2012 at 1:52 PM #

        It is a good idea to think about these things ahead of time and to also get on the same page as your spouse. I know a few couples that really had a hard time getting on the same page and it has not been an easy road for them or their children.

  4. Jamie March 1, 2012 at 1:27 PM #

    Very nice post! I loved each of your points and agree with them. I hope you don’t mind me printing this list out (I’ll be sure to give you credit) as I work with parents all the time and reading nuggets like this will be helpful!!

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 1:30 PM #

      Feel free to print it out! It’s an honor. Please feel free to also pass on my blog info too. My blog writing style is to try and be as short as I can, but also to be thorough and informative. I feel like parents don’t have much time, so I’d like to give them “quick bites” for them to take and try.

  5. Daily Citron March 1, 2012 at 1:49 PM #

    It’s so hard for me to resist warning my daughter not to do something. Just this morning I warned her not to color with markers in her coloring book (because the ink bleeds through and ruins the other pages). I should have just let her figure it out for herself…
    Thanks for the reminders about how we can help our children grow into happy, responsible adults!
    -Viva, from dailycitron.com

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 2:10 PM #

      I think that some reminders are good; I think it can teach a child to trust us and learn to listen to us a little better (because they will remember that when Mom or Dad say “I wouldn’t do that” and something not so good happens, then maybe they really better pay attention to when Mom and Dad reminds them of things). However, if she had gone ahead and colored with markers after you recommended against it, got upset about it, and then you go and buy her a brand new coloring book to replace the one she ruined, then I might think that that would be a rescue, but just my opinion! 🙂

  6. Ashiima March 1, 2012 at 2:33 PM #

    I grew up in India and my parents used a lot of the same principle you mentioned-I hope to pass these onto my kids some day.My mom let me make mistakes and learn from them- it made us closer cause I knew she trusted me enough to let me make my own decisions.Great post!

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 3:05 PM #

      Thank you. I love the point you made about how letting you learn from your mistakes made you closer because you knew she trusted you! Awesome!

  7. kelli March 1, 2012 at 4:18 PM #

    This list is really helpful and a good reminder.
    I also agree children should be allowed to make mistakes- how else will they learn? 🙂

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 8:33 PM #

      Exactly! 😉

  8. D March 1, 2012 at 4:19 PM #

    I agree with your parenting views. I really like the one about allowing them to make choices. It drives me nuts when people only want to control their children. I also send my kids to public school because I want them to be exposed to the world, at age appropriate times of course. thanks for sharing.

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 8:32 PM #

      Parents who hoard all the control, usually find themselves in many power struggles. I hope you took the time to read my blog post about choices (the link is in this post). 🙂

  9. Dawn Storey March 1, 2012 at 4:30 PM #

    I’m not a parent myself, but it strikes me that you’ve laid out some very wise principles for raising children to be good, well-adjusted people. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 8:29 PM #

      You’re welcome, thanks for your comment.

  10. tonygreene113 @ 113tidbits March 1, 2012 at 4:44 PM #

    My youngest son could sure use some love from his mom. But I continue to pick up the slack.

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 8:29 PM #

      Feeling loved is so important to development! Keep up the good work.

  11. Keep It Thimble March 1, 2012 at 6:39 PM #

    Thanks for sharing this. Kids are more enjoyable when you just accept them as they are and don’t try to make them be something they aren’t.

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 8:28 PM #

      That is one thing I meant to mention, but don’t think I did. Every child is different, so parenting needs to be different for each child. Same isn’t necessarily equal. What works for one child, may have no affect on another.

  12. Susie My SoCal Life March 1, 2012 at 6:50 PM #

    What geat words to try to live by. I have an almost 3 year old and sometimes the thoughts of evil out in the world make me shudder and want to shield him from everything. That’s a great tip to age appropriately let them know what is out there! The good along with the bad

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 8:24 PM #

      Get to some of the stuff while they are young and still think that they’re parents are cool and know everything. It’s a lot harder to be influential once they get older and we know nothing because they know everything. 🙂

  13. Robin March 1, 2012 at 7:23 PM #

    Your post is right on the money! I teach college, and it’s easy to tell the difference between the children who have been sheltered and the young adults who are ready to learn to fly into the world. I wish you all the best!

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 8:22 PM #

      Thank you. I think it’s hard not to sometimes, because we want so much to make life easier for them because we love them, but parenting is about trying to do what’s best for them.

  14. Dani March 1, 2012 at 8:03 PM #

    Being a single mom I really need to figure out what my thoughts are on parenting and hold true to them. I know kids are smart and will push the boundaries to see where they can get, I want to be firm with things I say and stick to it. I need to learn that children can make mistakes on their own and I don’t need to be so protective. Thanks for all your other thoughts!

    • admin March 1, 2012 at 8:21 PM #

      You’re welcome. Please let me know if I can help you in any way. My heart goes out to single parents. Hug those babies! (even if they’re “big,” they’re still babies!) 😉

  15. Brooke March 1, 2012 at 11:19 PM #

    These are great, I agree and for the most part have the same set of beliefs. You brought up great point mentioning that most of the time natural consequences are the best way to teach children…I have to admit I probably step in a lot more than I should and maybe this is one I need to remember.

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 9:36 AM #

      Natural consequences are hard. I think it’s instinct to want to “save” our children because you never want to see those that you love get hurt, but unfortunately, it’s a part of life.

  16. Clarinda Olenslager March 2, 2012 at 2:16 AM #

    I agree with your points. We also learn along with our children how to be a better person. I wish some parents would learn these too and teach their kids.

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 9:34 AM #

      I know, I have learned so much from my children! 🙂

  17. Kristin March 2, 2012 at 6:06 AM #

    Not having children myself, I can’t say what my parenting beliefs would be, but I think what’s most important is that you have them and you stick to them. Like anything else in life, if you stand for nothing you’ll fall for everything.

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 9:34 AM #

      I love that quote! 🙂

  18. Angie Nelson March 2, 2012 at 7:52 AM #

    I’m not a parent, so I don’t have much to share here. Thanks for sharing your views and values.

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 9:33 AM #

      Thanks for stopping by.

  19. Starlene March 2, 2012 at 10:10 AM #

    I agree with most of your parenting beliefs, however I have never liked “natural consequences”. I read about the practice when I was raising my children (they are now grown men, aged 22 and 25) and it just seemed contrived and artificial. One of the “natural consequences” I remember was the child could not have dessert if they didn’t take out the garbage. Does that REALLY happen to me if I don’t take out the garbage? No. It just piles up and gets stinky. Of course, mom and dad don’t want to live with a garbage dump in the kitchen. I think if “natural consequences” are truly natural then that is appropriate. I just don’t like the ones that are imposed which are not really true to real life. Great post, thanks for sharing with us!

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 11:05 AM #

      If consequences are not what would happen in real life, then they aren’t natural.

  20. Adelina Priddis March 2, 2012 at 10:47 AM #

    Ok I don’t know if my last comment worked (error with the captcha?), so I’ll try again 🙂
    I agree with everything you wrote! Especially about teachers. They can be a great resource, but so many parents expect teachers to raise their kids for them.

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 11:04 AM #

      I experienced that first hand. It is so sad. There are many amazing teachers who are leaving the profession because they cannot handle (or at least don’t want to handle) the parents. 🙁

  21. Tracy @ usingtimewisely.com March 2, 2012 at 12:37 PM #

    Sometimes it is so hard to allow my children to make the wrong choice knowing that the consequence will be difficult. But giving them choices (that will keep them safe) and allowing them to fail teaches them more than just hearing it from Dad and Mom. Thanks for sharing!

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 1:49 PM #

      You’re welcome. School of hard knocks is really hard, but effective!

  22. Kathy (Kangaroo Mama) March 2, 2012 at 2:08 PM #

    Wow, I felt like I was writing that posting but I think you said it a lot more eloquently and less wordy than I would have been! I totally agree with your parenting beliefs and they mirror a lot of mine! Though my daughter is still young so I’m sure I have a lot to grow in and things may change as she gets older and hopefully as I get “wiser” but I do hope to keep those beliefs as a guideline! THanks for sharing!

    It’s nice “meeting” you through Blogelina’s comment tour!

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 3:01 PM #

      I believe that the way you go about your beliefs is different with each child and sometimes a child can make you rethink them as well!

  23. Jamie March 2, 2012 at 2:31 PM #

    Being a parent is really hard. Your beliefs have been a good check for me, am I doing this? I need to improve on that, etc. It is so easy to get caught up in the moment and not look at the bigger picture.

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 3:02 PM #

      It is very easy to get caught in the moment and just focus on putting out the fires. I’ve gotten some puzzling looks when I talk to some people about my parenting beliefs, many of them have even said, I never even thought to think about it.

  24. Millie March 2, 2012 at 5:41 PM #

    Very well written and very brave of you to share your beliefs. Some of the meanest things I’ve seen in the blog world have been attacks on parenting styles. We all think we are right!
    I don’t know that I’ve ever taken the time to really outline my parenting beliefs. I have 5 children with the oldest 23 and the youngest 3. There were some years when I just prayed and held on! My biggest desire has always been to be able to raise children that were able to succeed/function on their own. My oldest graduated from college last year (cum laude with honors) and that was an amazing day!

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 6:21 PM #

      I know, I’ve read some amazingly hateful things.

      I have had days where I pray and hang on! Congrats to your daughter and kudos to you for raising such a smart girl.

  25. mommysorganics March 2, 2012 at 7:07 PM #

    We have similar values as well. Something we have learned and have to continue to remind ourselves is each child is different. Therefore while trying to be “fair” we must also take into account the childs gender,age,and individuality. We are constantly learning from out three children they are such amazing people. Something we have learned is that boys need their dad(or male role model) as a woman I can not teach them how to be a man, and girls need their mom(or female role model)a man can not teach a girl how to be a woman. Something to keep in mind with so many diverse and unique families.

    • admin March 2, 2012 at 8:58 PM #

      These are excellent points. I’ve said before equal doesn’t equal fair and same isn’t always equal. Your other points are very true, I learned about them in my college classes and Dr. James Dobson discussed them in Bringing Up Girls and in Bringing Up Boys. I’ve done book reviews on each of these.

  26. Judith March 3, 2012 at 10:44 AM #

    Great list!

    Feeling loved is so important! I often criticize my younger son (13) because he’s very strong-willed but I have realized that recently and now I try to show him that I do love him whatever. 🙂 (It’s easy to get into a negative spiral).

    And children definitely need to learn that life isn’t fair. They get completely the wrong expectations of life if they don’t learn his.

    • admin March 4, 2012 at 3:16 PM #

      I have definitely learned that my strong willed child needs lots of extra love and compassion and stricter boundaries. This kind of went against my intuition, but it’s made a world of difference now that we have figured it out.

      • Judith March 6, 2012 at 3:22 AM #

        It took us a while too, but we’re much stricter with him than we used to be, and it’s so much easier! He asks for cuddles himself, so I don’t have to do much in that respect (just making sure the other son doesn’t feel left out).

        I think setting boundaries is what children need anyway – if anything, they’ve then got something to fight against, which they need to do, too, every now and then.

  27. eschelle March 3, 2012 at 10:42 PM #

    I have to admit I am not the best role model that I could be, hubby and I being so young we bump heads sometimes and sometimes don’t manage to take it away privately from the kids. Heat of the moment is never good for two very passionately different people.

    • admin March 4, 2012 at 3:14 PM #

      I think it’s alright to have kids see their parents fight, as long as they do it fairly. Click the link above about fighting fair to see a book that my aunt highly recommends (I haven’t read it yet, but it’s on my book list)!

  28. Easy2Save March 4, 2012 at 2:09 AM #

    Wow you have really made a great list for parents to read and apply to their parenting.

    • admin March 4, 2012 at 3:12 PM #

      Thank you!

  29. Brett March 4, 2012 at 3:56 PM #

    i saw your post title and was thinking “hoo boy” but in reading it- we’re very alike in our parenting mindset. :o) i want my kids to grow up to be self sufficient, contributing members of society. coddling them and letting them think life is always a happy happy rainbow of events isn’t helping anyone!

    • admin March 4, 2012 at 8:09 PM #

      So true. Coddling children, I believe, also can lead to them feeling entitled to everything and not working for it at all.

  30. Mrs. Accountability March 4, 2012 at 4:15 PM #

    This is a good list. I raised my children by very similar rules and they turned out pretty good. I was determined to change and not turn into my mother and stepfather! 🙂

    • admin March 4, 2012 at 8:09 PM #

      I’m so glad to hear your children turned out well. Great job!

  31. Glenda Cates March 4, 2012 at 4:30 PM #

    Thanks for such a wonderful post as it made me stop and think about my role as a mom and wife and I needed it as I know I do make mistakes but this helped me change some things.

    • admin March 4, 2012 at 8:06 PM #

      Good, glad you got something out of the post. 🙂

  32. Lisa March 4, 2012 at 6:30 PM #

    I agree with your parenting points.

    My children have special needs, so their “natural consequences” tend to be harder on them.

    My goal is to raise children who are able to live the most independent lives possible.

    • admin March 4, 2012 at 8:06 PM #

      Great goal, I do not have very much training with children with special needs!

  33. Julie March 4, 2012 at 9:58 PM #

    All great tips. Children learn more by seeing and hearing and experiencing than anything else. It’s just a fact.

    • admin March 5, 2012 at 2:32 PM #

      Very true!

  34. Diana March 5, 2012 at 7:28 PM #

    Great insights into parenting. I wish we had more parents who have thought things out as carefully as you have. Your children are very blessed.

    • admin March 6, 2012 at 9:09 PM #

      Thank you.

  35. Lou Lou March 6, 2012 at 1:57 AM #

    I’m just starting on my parenting journey so feel that my parenting values are a work in progress. Was very happy to read yours, they sound very wise…

    • admin March 6, 2012 at 9:07 PM #

      Thank you, good luck and congratulations on your new little one! They are such a blessing.

  36. Corinne Rodrigues March 6, 2012 at 2:36 AM #

    I so agree with all you’ve written. I don’t have kids, but if I did, I’d certainly want them to know they are loved unconditionally and be prepared for life with all it’s ups and downs. You’ve put so much thought in to this, I’m sure that your kids will turn out great.

    • admin March 6, 2012 at 9:06 PM #

      I really hope so. I’ve very passionate about parenting and I strive to be a good parent and help others be as well.

  37. Allie | Ramblings of a WAHM March 6, 2012 at 9:56 AM #

    I believe everything you have said here.

    The one thing that bothers me most is parents that do not take responsibility for their children. It is always someone else’s fault their child did wrong. “It was the other child.” “It is the teacher, she doesn’t have control of the classroom.” “The coach just doesn’t like him.” I wish parents would just take responsibility, teach their children to respect others, try their hardest and be kind. Wouldn’t things be so nice?

    ~Allie

    • admin March 6, 2012 at 9:05 PM #

      This world would be amazing if that happened. Parents passing off responsibility is becoming more and more common. The last two years I taught I was in the principle’s office more for that kind of stuff than I had ever been my entire educational career! It’s ridiculous!

  38. Emily March 6, 2012 at 1:31 PM #

    So true to learning by mistakes. I love that we can still have another chance even after we make a mistake! 🙂

    • admin March 6, 2012 at 9:03 PM #

      🙂

  39. andrea March 6, 2012 at 1:41 PM #

    GREAT post….one suggestion (i’m a bit of a WordPress geek….change your “author” name from admin to something else….too easy for spammers to possibly locate your account)

    • admin March 6, 2012 at 9:03 PM #

      Thanks, I was actually just thinking of that the other day!

  40. Amanda March 6, 2012 at 1:46 PM #

    I’m always a little wary when I come across a new parenting blog, just because I do believe all the things you’ve listed above, and so many people don’t. Great post.

    • admin March 6, 2012 at 9:02 PM #

      Thank you.

      I know of many people who think I’m too harsh and expect too much out of my children. I’ve had to agree to disagree with them.

  41. Anjanette March 6, 2012 at 5:52 PM #

    I don’t disagree with any of your beliefs, and I think this is a good way to frame this topic – rather than a list of the ways to implement the beliefs. There’s room here for two parents to do things differently with the same goal. 🙂

    • admin March 6, 2012 at 9:01 PM #

      Thank you. I also believe and have learned from my own children that accomplishing these goals “looks” different for each child. What works for my oldest has absolutely no affect on my second.

  42. Shannon Schulte @SweepstakesMama.com March 6, 2012 at 9:00 PM #

    All thoughtful comments! It’s important to lead by example!
    http://www.sweepstakesmama.com

    • admin March 6, 2012 at 9:08 PM #

      It sure is. Isn’t it so unnerving to find out when someone doesn’t practice what they preach. (I know we are only human and we mess up a lot, but there are some people who seem to have opposite standards when they are behind closed doors).

  43. Deedra March 7, 2012 at 7:45 AM #

    Oh how true! It’s so difficult to tell children not to do what they see.

    • admin March 7, 2012 at 1:20 PM #

      They also lose respect for us when we do that! 🙁

  44. Kerry March 7, 2012 at 9:15 AM #

    Kids definitely need to learn to make their own choices and to make their own mistakes. My mom always wanted me to learn from her mistakes, she didn’t get that I needed to make my own. I let my kids make their own mistakes- otherwise the lesson doesn’t get through!

    • admin March 7, 2012 at 1:19 PM #

      Making our own mistakes is a great teaching tool.

  45. Jeanette March 7, 2012 at 11:07 AM #

    I defiantly agree that sheltering your children is a bad idea!

    • admin March 7, 2012 at 1:18 PM #

      I wish more people agreed with us! 🙂

  46. Suzy Myers March 7, 2012 at 11:50 AM #

    Excellent points!! My children learned the most from their own mistakes. I could make suggestions until I was blue in the face and they wouldn’t listen, and then learned the hard way.

    But they certainly remembered their hard earned lessons! Thanks so much for sharing!

    suzy

    • admin March 7, 2012 at 1:18 PM #

      You’re welcome.

  47. Shelly March 7, 2012 at 1:53 PM #

    My little man hates to learn from his mistakes. He wants to do everything right the first time and is a perfectionist. I think in our home we have sheltered the kids but we talk about all things so they get exposed to evil in the world in a controlled manner which I think is good. The last one about raising responsible adults is something that I see is so important in today age. So many kids are just let to make their own way so young they don’t grown into a responsible adult and that not only hurts them but everyone else too.

    • admin March 7, 2012 at 2:40 PM #

      It does hurt others too. Very good point.

  48. cooking lady March 7, 2012 at 2:54 PM #

    Great post, and I agree with you 100%. I know a couple of folks that need to read this. Thanks for sharing.

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 1:58 PM #

      Feel free to share it with them (if you feel comfortable doing so)! 🙂

  49. Mary @ The Mommy Job March 7, 2012 at 3:25 PM #

    Your points are well thought out- parenting is so hard sometimes especially when we have to watch them learn from thier mistakes 🙂

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 1:57 PM #

      It hurts to see our kids hurting! Most of the time we just want to fix it, but that’s not what’s always best for the child!

  50. Jaime @ Busy Mom on the Go March 7, 2012 at 4:01 PM #

    I think these are great values for raising children. I also want to commend you for wording such a delicate topic so well.

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 1:56 PM #

      Thank you. I’ve been very pleased by all the respectful comments as well! 🙂

  51. life just saying March 7, 2012 at 7:59 PM #

    Good post. I found my parenting techniques changed as they grew.

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 1:56 PM #

      Our techniques change as the kids pass through different phases and by child as well. What works for one, doesn’t usually work for the rest. However, our beliefs and goals are still the same, we just go about them in different ways.

  52. Allyson @ A Heart for Home March 7, 2012 at 8:22 PM #

    I think having appropriate expectations is wonderful. O know our little ones can do much more than others think partly because we’ve taken the time to equip them and then we’ve expected them to rise to the challenge. Great points!

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 1:55 PM #

      Children will usually rise to our expectations, but if they are low, they will often fall to them also.

  53. Layne Lanpher March 7, 2012 at 9:20 PM #

    Good strong beliefs, all of them.

  54. Katie March 7, 2012 at 9:22 PM #

    I completely agree with your list. My children are very loved and they know it. My biggest problem is being consistent with discipline. I feel like I do good for a week then I start slacking and I definitely see the change in my kids attitudes when I am not consistent.

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 1:50 PM #

      I think that being consistent is one of the hardest things to do! But children are very smart and they know when we are drained and know that we can be more lenient during those times. Keep working at it. You’ve done some of the hardest part: recognizing!

  55. Wendy March 7, 2012 at 10:50 PM #

    Great post. I tend to agree with most of your parenting beliefs. 🙂

    Wendy
    Around My Family Table

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 1:53 PM #

      Thanks!

  56. Krystle March 8, 2012 at 7:37 AM #

    My problem is being consistent. Some things get changed depending on my mood at the time. I need to work on that.

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 1:53 PM #

      At least you recognize it, now that you are cognizant of it will make it easier (over time) to be more consistent. Good luck!

  57. Britni @ Our Eventual Homestead March 8, 2012 at 9:24 AM #

    What a great list! We have been giving our 3 year old more choices and “age-appropriate” independence. We have found this is helping her develop and results in a lot fewer fights!

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 1:52 PM #

      That’s great! Awesome job! Isn’t it amazing how children act when we give them some control and our trust for them to make the right choice?

  58. Becca@CreatingFamilyConnections March 8, 2012 at 11:27 AM #

    I’m not yet a parent, but I agree with your points. I think the unconditional love summarizes the rest. Oh, the difference in a child’s love when they KNOW they are unconditionally loved!

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 1:51 PM #

      It makes a big difference, doesn’t it?

  59. Erin @ My Mommy World March 8, 2012 at 2:50 PM #

    I agree with everything on your list!

  60. Carrie March 8, 2012 at 3:27 PM #

    This is a great post. Your section about sheltering/not-sheltering kids stood out to me. Our kids range in age from 3 to 11. It is a struggle to know how much to tell kids at what age. You are correct, though– it is imperative that parents DO explain that stuff to kids. We’ve had several really good conversations already with our kids about various topics and we’ve been able to share our thoughts, ask their opinions, and show them what God says in the Bible. Thanks for sharing!

    • admin March 8, 2012 at 10:34 PM #

      Thank you. I’m glad to hear you’ve had those conversations when they’re kids!

  61. Yannie March 8, 2012 at 7:21 PM #

    I don`t have kids. But certainly will use this as my reference in the future. Actually even now I can still use it in dealing my nieces and nephews.

  62. Laurie March 8, 2012 at 11:13 PM #

    Thank you for sharing your great parenting values. Keeping God in the center of the family is the only way. May He richly bless you and your family and best wishes on your blogging.

  63. See You In the Garden March 9, 2012 at 12:48 AM #

    I used to have a firm set of beliefs … then I had kids and those beliefs have been challenged (and rightly so). They have changed to fit reality. It is so true that everyone has their own. Sometimes it isn’t about being right or wrong, but about the fact that these apply to kids and parents, each of whom is different from the next.

    • admin March 9, 2012 at 1:42 PM #

      We all are different, aren’t we?

  64. Stacie March 9, 2012 at 1:49 AM #

    Great tips! I used to use the “Do as I say, not as I do” form of parenting when my older two were little, and I still regret it.

    • admin March 9, 2012 at 1:42 PM #

      So sorry!

  65. Maura March 9, 2012 at 2:41 PM #

    I’m with ya on this one: that most of the time natural consequences are the best way to teach children.

  66. Dianna@practicingfrugal March 9, 2012 at 8:11 PM #

    Enjoyed reading your list.
    Someone once told me to give your kids just enough rope, they will either “hang” themselves and you pull them in a bit or do so well you can give them a bit more. Basically you have to give them a chance to prove they can be responsible and trusted. You cannot just assume they cannot do it.

  67. Eleni Poulakou March 16, 2012 at 3:36 AM #

    Learning to hear the voice of and trusting their own inner wisdom;
    learning to listen to the opinions of others, yet keeping in mind that they are mere opinions and not facts;
    learning that life is sharing — material stuff, time, feelings, thoughts,…

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