Uncategorized

What’s Been Going On With Me?

(I know, not the best picture, can you tell the baby didn’t want to cooperate?  Imagine that a two-year old not wanting to stay still!  Anyways, I figured that since I’m getting “real” in this post, then I need a “real” picture.  Not a perfect picture, a picture of me and my kids, me without make-up, looking like I look almost every single day!)  😉

 

It has seemed that we have been on a roller coaster ride this past year (and I don’t like roller coasters)!

 

Background

Let’s just say that when things get difficult, I tend to run.  You know, the whole fight or flight phenomenon?  Well, I flee!  I can’t tell you how many times my husband has physically blocked my way out of a room during a disagreement, which aggravates me to no end!

I feel that the reason I do this, is because in the past, I have said some things in anger that I shouldn’t have said and it really hurt a few relationships.  So I try to calm down and to rationally think about my thoughts and feelings before communicating them so that I don’t damage a relationship and wish I could “unsay” something.

However, there are some times I just sweep things under the rug and try to forget about them!

 

Family

There have been numerous occasions where I have swept things under the rug when it comes to extended family.  I’ve been sweeping for at least seven years (because we did have about a year of the honeymoon phase) and let’s just say that I needed a bigger rug!  😉

I was getting to the point where I felt like I was getting ready to explode.  All it would take is one little thing and I’d have to say something (does this have anything to do with turning 30??  I had several people tell me that they got to the same point when they turned 30 too!)  I tried “warning” a few people and it seemed as if they thought I was blowing it out of proportion and just trying to stir up drama!

Well, it happened, that one more thing!  And sure enough, tempers flared.  However, it was actually my husband who flared up first, but I got some of the aftermath.  So, he apologized (which was not openly received) and we tried to move on.  Only I couldn’t!

I stewed about everything for almost a month and then decided that I had to speak my mind!

So I thought about things and wrote a letter.  To me this letter was very selfish and describing how I feel in certain situations.  I thought that maybe just writing the letter would help, but it really gave me no relief.  So I sent it.

And nothing has been said about it.  No apology, no kiss my rear end, NOTHING!

The silence has caused more problems, started involving other people who weren’t originally part of the problem, and even though my husband and I have desperately tried on several occasions to have a discussion, our efforts are always thwarted!

 

School

My husband is a very hands-on father.  The children adore their daddy and they are used to having him home.  He has started going back to college and is in an accelerated program so that he can earn his degree in three years.  He is gone a couple of nights a week, and it’s really starting to take a toll on the children and me.  (His job has also changed and it a lot more stressful and demanding than it was before!)

 

My Mom

My mom is very sick and has been for years.  She lives in a small town in Florida, and it has been one of the hardest areas hit as far as the economy goes.  My step-dad has been unable to find a steady job for two years.  They have been living off of my mom’s meager disability check and were recently told that they would have to move!

 

What I’ve Done

I’ve tried dealing with it on my own.  I’ve read numerous books (

, , , etc) and started a new, more intense Bible Study.  I have talked about it with people who are really close to me. They all seemed to help for a little while, but whenever I see them, anger comes rushing back.

I decided to go to the doctor to have lab work done, just to make sure that there wasn’t a physical reason why I wasn’t handling stress well.

As you can guess, my lab work wasn’t the best and the doctor put me on a strict diet (no fruits, all the protein I want, lots of broccoli, spinach & cauliflower and try not to have more than 25 g of carbs a day!  (Almost impossible!)).  That’s when some friends mentioned a Paleo diet.  I also wasn’t happy with my doctor’s recommendation (quite a few pieces of the puzzle didn’t seem to fit together) so I got a second opinion and this doctor said to be more cognizant of what I was eating and to try and limit the amount of carbs I was eating.  This doctor stressed exercise!

 

Next Step

So I am going to try and resemble a Paleo diet for a little while and I think I’m going to have to go talk to a counselor, because I just can’t seem to take my power away from certain people!  I am hoping to get back to “normal” very soon, with just a few tweaks!  😉

I hope to become more organized and put myself more on a schedule.  I would like to try and take a couple of hours on the weekend and organize my week.  Make sure that my calendars are synced, make a meal plan and grocery list, make my to-do list, and just get everything more together to hopefully make for a smoother week.

I know life happens, it’s happened a lot lately (one child getting a concussion, one with bronchitis, and one with pneumonia)!  But I can try to plan more so that I have time to deal with crisis when they occur.

 

How do you deal with difficult situations/season’s of life?