Thank you Chesi for this photo!

My second son has been bullied at school (in preschool).  Even being a teacher, I was a little shocked at this.

Background

Our son is on the small side and pretty shy.  He always has been, he’s also incredibly smart, but not conventionally smart.  We have already prepared ourselves for him to be bullied at school and maybe not the best behaved either.  However, we didn’t expect to have to deal this this so soon into his educational career!

One day the teacher told me that a little boy had called my son a “Jerk” for no reason.  She said that my son did nothing to provoke him, this little boy just decided to call him a name.

I noticed that after the above incident, that the little boy who called my son a name, started running up to us when we arrived at school and telling me that he was my son’s best friend.  All the while, my son is clutched onto the back of my leg, trying his best to hide.

Bullying

One day I told my son to get ready for preschool.  He came over to me and said, “Mom, a boy in my class is a bully.  Yesterday he came over to me and did this (my son put this hand on this throat) and almost pushed me over, like this” (he then pretended to almost fall to the ground).

I’ll be honest and say that my first reaction was that of disbelief.  I actually didn’t believe him.   I didn’t believe him because, I was not informed of this issue by the teacher and my son really didn’t seem that bothered by it, soI asked him if it really happened to him or if we saw it happen to someone else.  He said that it happened to him.  I asked what the teacher did and my son said that the other kid had to eat his snack all by himself at another table.

Occupational Hazard

As we were walking to school, I was going back and forth as to if I was going to ask the teacher about this.  Now, I know this might sound appalling to some of you, but here is my rationale:

• I didn’t want to be one of those parents who I despised as a teacher
• I also know that a four or a five year old’s perspective can be totally different from that of an adult

I decided to go ahead and ask the teacher about it, but not to make a big deal about it.

Teacher Response

I asked the teacher about the incident and she had no idea that it even occurred.  She asked on the the paras and that para said, “Well didn’t (the other para) tell you?” So, long story short, I found out that my son was telling the truth.  The teacher apologized profusely.  I asked the teacher if there was anything that she’d like me to do and she requested that I send her an e-mail about the situation.  (Being a teacher I knew full well that this would have to be documented and placed in the other child’s file).

Resolution (for the time being)

The teacher moved my son to another spot so that he was not close to the little boy.  She makes it a point to make sure that they are not in any groups together (which is pretty hard because both boys are really smart).

When we walk to school we go in through a different door.

The teacher and I are both being very diligent about communicating.

I talked to my son and told him that if he has to hit, punch, kick, scream, or even bite to get away from someone who is hurting him, then that’s alright.  But that you only do that to get away and when you get free, you run and tell a trusted adult.  My son did not take to this advise and said, “But Mommy that’s mean, I can’t do that!”

Just the other day, another child (following the footsteps of the first bully) pushed my son.  The teacher told me about it and said that she also told my son that it’s alright to fight back to get away.  My son seemed to be more open to this advise this time.

How do you deal with your children being bullied?