[amazon_image id=”1414313632″ link=”true” target=”_blank” size=”medium” ]The New Strong-Willed Child[/amazon_image]

Of course, the week I schedule to post this, we have a bad day!

Things had been going really well with our “strong willed child,”  until a day or so ago and then we had another “episode.”  He has been doing really well at listening and when we ask him to do something, even if he doesn’t want to, he will usually say under his breath, “If I don’t do this then there will be consequences!”  (Pretty cute to hear a little kid say.)

Most Current Episode

The kids were doing their chores and I start to hear him berating his sister.  (They were cleaning their room and we have told the kids that it’s alright to help each other clean their room, but then you have to help the person clean theirs as well.)  I go back to see what was going on and Sister was just playing in his room and not helping him clean up.  I told her that she needed to help or get out.  She left somewhat compliantly and he decided he was done cleaning.  I told him that he needed to finish and that’s when a meltdown ensued.

I shut the door so that the rest of us wouldn’t have to hear it and by doing so, I unconsciously engaged him in a power struggle.  He opened the door, said something snippy and disrespectful.  I swatted him for the disrespectful remark and told him that he could open the door when he could be quiet and sweet.  If he didn’t keep it shut than I was going to take his light bulbs.

He opened the door.  I immediately found a stool and removed the light bulbs, all while he is throwing a monstrous fit.  Before I shut the door again, I reminded him that it could be opened when he settled down.  He proceeded to throw a fit for a little while longer, then calmed down, & opened the door.  A few minutes later, I hear a sweet voice ask if he could come out, I said that he was welcome to come out as soon his room was cleaned.

He cleaned it up and came out of his room in a great mood.

What I Did Wrong

• I unintentionally got into a power struggle with him just by closing the door (I should have thought ahead more.)
• I lost my cool and yelled.  This episode really got me upset, I even noticed that my heart was about ready to jump out of my chest.  In fact, in the middle of this, I had to go to another room and calm down a bit.  I was infuriated and he knew it.

What We’ve Learned

This episode, although intense, was actually very short lived.  It lasted maybe 20 minutes.  Just a few months ago the above scene often lasted one to two hours.  We have learned to just go right to what matters to him (right now it’s light bulbs) instead of taking a few steps before going in for the big consequence.

I believe going right for the big consequence shortens the whole episode, because there isn’t as much time for him to be difiant.  However, there is lots of time for animosity build up when we implement the little consequences first.  He also knows that we mean business!

We’ve learned that it is so hard to stay calm during his episodes.  I know that if I could stay calm, it would probably even shorten it a little bit more.  Oh well, I know I will have the chance for more practice.  😉

Other Adults

We have noticed that a couple of times during our long, calm, period that he did test other adults.  He refused to do things when asked by other adults.  When my husband and I took our weekend away, my aunt and uncle watched our kids.  The first night, he didn’t want to get his PJs on, so my aunt said that he had one minute to put them on himself or that she would do it.  She set the timer and when it went off, he kindly asked her if she would help him.

[amazon_enhanced asin=”1414313632″ /] [amazon_enhanced asin=”1414303823″ /] (I haven’t seen this before, I may have to check it out!)

How is your strong willed child doing lately?