I remember being in High School and I saw a Family Circus cartoon where the kids appear to be jumping on the bed!  The mother walks in and says something like, “Didn’t I tell you to NOT jump on the bed?” and one of the children responds, “We’re not jumping on the the bed, we’re jumping OFF the bed!”  For some reason this has stuck with me all these years, but it’s a very cute way of saying that as parents, we can be more successful (usually) if we tell a child what they CAN do instead of what they can’t do!

Examples

“You may jump on the floor or the trampoline,”  instead of, “no jumping on the furniture.”

“Please make sure to walk,” instead of, “no running.”

“Please use your fork,” instead of, “quit eating with your hands.”

“Let’s remember our inside voices,” instead of, “stop yelling.”

Now many times, I will combine both, tell them what they can do and a reminder of what not to do.  I do this because the real world usually doesn’t tell you what you can do, it tells you what you can’t do, so I want my children to hear it like they will in the real world, but I also want to be an effective parent, so that’s why I do both!  Now when something needs to stop immediately, I say, “______ needs to STOP!”  in a very firm voice.  Then I tell them what they can do instead!