I remember being in High School and I saw a Family Circus cartoon where the kids appear to be jumping on the bed! The mother walks in and says something like, “Didn’t I tell you to NOT jump on the bed?” and one of the children responds, “We’re not jumping on the the bed, we’re jumping OFF the bed!” For some reason this has stuck with me all these years, but it’s a very cute way of saying that as parents, we can be more successful (usually) if we tell a child what they CAN do instead of what they can’t do!

Examples

“You may jump on the floor or the trampoline,” instead of, “no jumping on the furniture.”

“Please make sure to walk,” instead of, “no running.”

“Please use your fork,” instead of, “quit eating with your hands.”

“Let’s remember our inside voices,” instead of, “stop yelling.”

Now many times, I will combine both, tell them what they can do and a reminder of what not to do. I do this because the real world usually doesn’t tell you what you can do, it tells you what you can’t do, so I want my children to hear it like they will in the real world, but I also want to be an effective parent, so that’s why I do both! Now when something needs to stop immediately, I say, “______ needs to STOP!” in a very firm voice. Then I tell them what they can do instead!

Challenge

Week 1: Read post and think of 2-3 things you usually tell your children not to do, come up with an alternative (tell them what they can do instead), write them down if you need to. Practice saying them out loud a couple of times and use them when the situation warrants! Good luck!

Week 2: Evaluate how last week went: did you do a good job, did you notice a change in your kids? Continue the things you tried last week, if you did well, add 2-3 more, if you need more practice, just stay with the first set! Remember to write down reminders of what you actually need to say (Post-Its work great for this, I’ve had them in my bathroom, on the fridge, and on our door before).

Week 3: Evaluate how last week went: did you do a good job, did you notice a change in your kids? Continue the things you tried last week, if you did well, add 2-3 more, if you need more practice, just stay with the first set! Remember to write down reminders of what you actually need to say.