Letting children try new things and being independent is very important to me.  A while ago, it became very clear to me how our actions as adults can have a profound impact on children.  Even things that we, as adults, don’t think twice about.  What I am about to share is a personal story.  My intention is to show you how a simple thing (to adults) can really affect a child.  I know the adult in this situation did not mean to hurt or put down in anyway, in fact quite the opposite, she genuinely wanted to help.

A little while before The Baby’s  second birthday, my oldest, had asked if he could help.  I told him he could probably help, we’d have to see how things would go.  I pretty much forgot about this conversation.  Then after The Baby opened his presents, he blew out his candles on his cake.  As I was cutting the cake and dishing out the ice cream, my oldest asked if he could scoop out the ice cream.  As I remember it, none of our guests were in a huge hurry, so I decided to let him help.

His scoops of ice cream were very small, but he was getting ice cream on the plates, although slowly.  So a kind hearted adult came over to “help,” however, she took over the ice cream scooping responsibility.

It took me a little while, but I noticed that my oldest was no where to be found.  I went looking for him and he was crying in his room.  I asked him what was wrong and he said he was sad that she (the adult who came to help) didn’t think he was doing a good job and that he wasn’t old enough to help.

I tried to calm him down saying that he is old enough and that he could do it, but he’d just have to practice a little bit more.  I tried to explain that she was just trying to help and since she’s had more practice, she could do it faster.

After a bit more reassurance and cuddling, he calmed down and joined the party again.

I thought that would be the end of it.

However, every once in a while, he will still remind me of this time.

This is a simple illustration of how our actions can impact children.  It also makes me believe even more in the power that independence has on a child.

Do you have a similar story you’d like to share?